The Importance of Perspective

I’ve been praying about the next topic I wanted to talk about for my latest blog and my inspiration for this one came from both a conversation I had with a friend last week as well some of the readings I’ve been doing lately (in both my bible and other outside books).

Lately, I’ve seen/heard quite a few of my friends mention a lot of the problems they are going through. I’ve also seen the pain on their faces as they wish they could find the answer of why they are going through so many things.

Some people have just posted stuff on Facebook, while others have brought things up directly to me. But I don’t always know what to say at the time (sometimes I’m better at typing out these sort of things than actually speaking them, lol).

I won’t go into any details about the problems people are facing, but they range from constant minor annoyances (that add up to grate on people), all the way to major family drama, serious illness and money issues, just to name a few.

And as a Christian, we’re called to be good neighbors (in this case friends), and help out in any way we can. Also as a guy, I have the tendency that when someone has a problem I want to “fix it.” And I know that may not be what each person is necessarily looking for, but God put something on my heart that I believe I’m supposed to share with all of you and if it applies to you, I hope it helps or gives you encouragement.

I’ve heard from quite a few people that they “can’t catch a break” and that “everything has to be difficult” for them.

Well from my experience, I’ve noticed that bad things really seem to hit a person at one of two times in their lives- when they are on a “high” (when right before, things seem to be going great in their lives, and then bad things start happening to veer them off course from that happiness) or when they are already on a “low” and going through tough circumstances already- Satan likes to kick you when you’re down and keep you from getting back up.

Now, obviously I don’t know everyone’s life stories, so I don’t know 100% which of these may apply to you. But I’ll share some things with you to clarify the point I’m trying to make.

Back in January 2009, I went on a retreat with my church. It was such an amazing time- I had been hungering for God in more powerful ways leading up to that point and I fully felt that I received something that day. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and God was telling me exactly what I needed to do, and even though some of it was going to be difficult, I was excited to begin and get that more fulfilled life that EVERYONE seeks. I was on an emotional and spiritual “high” and I just KNEW great things were coming.

Well, as you may know, I got into a bad car accident on the way home from that retreat (that’s when my Taurus got wrecked). And that just really got to me. I got a little mad at God, and began to question all that I felt he had revealed to me. So I let the distractions of doctor appointments, physical therapy, paperwork, and other stuff going on in my life keep me from what God had called me to begin to do. But I’ve since realized that it was just an attack on me by forces other than God, in order to keep me from fulfilling what I needed to do. It also forced me to go through some things I probably wouldn’t have had to if I just listened to God in the first place. Was it a crappy situation? Yes. Did I wish it never happened? Yes. Was it extremely frustrating? Of course, especially after all the craziness that happened to me all on top of each other in 2007 that most of you are aware of.

But it was only after seeking God and changing both my perspective on the situation and how I was going to handle it, did that answer become clear. God wanted me to do something- Satan obviously didn’t want that. So he threw a curveball at me that unfortunately did deter me for awhile.

So how does this relate to each of you? I don’t know 100% for sure obviously, but something in my gut came to me while praying that said to share that God is reaching out to some of you reading this. The question is: are you willing to accept it?

Now I have NO idea what God may be trying to tell some of you by giving me this word. Only you and He knows that (or maybe you don’t even know and need help finding that out and maybe THAT is the point of this? Who knows, lol)? But I also wanted to talk to you about perspective. Because yes, it does seem that many of you have been having a lot of “bad luck” lately. But it might not always be bad luck (even when it seems it at first).

Take the example that I deal with a lot for instance- let’s say I’m on my way to work or some other event, all of a sudden I hit a ton of traffic (or am simply hitting every red light along the way) that’s going to make me late. The first reaction I’m tempted to have (and what most others in this situation would have) is “oh man! I’m gonna be mad late! This sucks!! Why is this happening to me?” And just get all upset and beat themselves up by thinking over and over ways that they could have avoided the situation (like leaving earlier, taking a different route, etc).

But a way I’ve learned to look at that same situation is “who’s to say God didn’t allow this to happen for a reason? Maybe I hit all this traffic, b/c if I had gotten to a specific point along the way earlier I could have gotten into an accident beyond my control.” (I know that may seem a far out way of thinking of things, b/c it’s easiest to focus on the current situation and how it is negatively affecting your plans/life, but seriously… God works in mysterious ways and we don’t always see it until much later.

In addition to this, is getting impatient, becoming angry, swearing, etc. going to get you out of the traffic jam any sooner? You’re going to be late anyway, and on top of that be in a bad mood that may affect how you feel and respond to others the rest of the day. Is there something that you can do during that time that you often don’t get to do: pray, makes plans or think about things that you may not have time for during your busy hectic day, or call someone (ideally from a hand-free device, lol) that you’ve been meaning to and never get around to. Our perspective and how we view the situations that come up in life may make a huge difference in how we respond to them and how positive or negative they seem. Ariana can tell you it’s a daily challenge and change does not necessarily happen overnight, but she’s noticed that her relationship with God has made a difference in this area.

Another major example from my life of this is back from 2007, which as I mentioned before, was a tough year for me. Everything that happened to my dad - the quick version for those of you that don’t know is he had heart surgery in March of that year and suffered multiple strokes while in surgery and suffered severe brain damage. The first bad part was he had the surgery out of state, so it was a battle to get him transported to NY to be closer to family & friends. Then he hung on for five months before passing, and I had to deal with handling every aspect of his situation- between the hospitals, taking care of his estate, putting him in a nursing home, etc. All while at the same time being in grad school, preparing to purchase and fix up my own home and plan a wedding.

While I was going through everything, I wondered why something so horrible would happen to me, especially at that moment in time, of ALL times? But looking back at it now, I see things in a different light.

As terrible as the situation was, I see why those things had to happen. God had his own plans for my father, and my dad put himself in a risky position with how he lived (he didn’t take good care of himself and had been warned multiple times to change his ways). As for myself, up to that point in my life, I was never really used to having any TRUE sense of responsibility. I was living a life of relative ease, I’ll even admit to a bit of a lazy and self-centered lifestyle. But I was about to embark on the most drastic change in my life- moving out of the home I was raised in for the first time in my life (those summers at Fordham don’t fully count), and getting married and being truly accountable to another person. I thought I could do it, but there was no way for me to really know how I’d adapt. But all these situations that occurred before the wedding forced me to mature into the man I needed to be, both for myself and for Ariana. I had to grow up really quick, and make mature and life-changing decisions, be a leader, keep my composure and handle a lot of life’s tougher challenges all at once. And this not only helped me, but helped give Ariana a sense of confidence in her decision to marry me, b/c as she saw how well I was able to handle everything, she knew she was making the right decision and fell even more in love with me and respected the man I had become (these are her words, I’m not trying to gas myself up, lol. Ask her).

So God not only allowed me to work things through in all of those situations, but he has given me the wisdom to look back on it and realize that although things were very hard for me, it all worked toward a greater good for me. Because if those situations had not happened, my life would have been easier, and as much as I’d like to say I’d still be the person I am today, there is no way for me to know that.

So once again - was the situation terrible? Yes. Do I miss my father, and does it hurt to think about everything that happened? Of course. Will some of these things affect me for the rest of my life? Possibly. But I believe that God had a plan for me, and if he can use such dark times to mold me and make me better then he can turn YOUR tough times into something better as well. You may just need to change your perspective.

Like I said earlier, I know that might sound a bit out there to some of you and a very hypothetical way of looking at things, but is it better to think that way or in the way of “God/the universe must have it out for me!”? That’s a pretty depressing way of living in my opinion.

The Bible says in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

God’s ultimate plan for you isn’t to make you suffer, even when you are going through difficult times. He wants to bless us. We rarely think about the purpose of these things happening to us and just concentrate on the negative aspects. However, there is ALWAYS an end game in place that is meant to be positive for you. But many times that takes work on our part and may possibly require a change in the way we live - maybe that is the message God is sending you? One of the things I learned in school as a Psychology major and counselor is that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. You might not be clinically insane – but if your current approach seems to fit the definition above, then what’s going on and what are you going to do about it?

And I know it can be tough to change your way of thinking b/c while some of you may have had a tough 2010 or 2009- some of you have also had a bad 2008, 2007, 2006, etc. You may not even remember the last time you felt true peace and happiness between the bigger issues and the smaller annoyances that may come your way that take on a bigger effect than they should when everything is snowballed on top of each other. This message is to tell you that God does love you, He/the universe is NOT against you, and it’s all within your grasp, you just need to let go of what you’re holding onto that’s keeping you from reaching it. Some of the things that people hold onto include being on the defensive with a loved one with whom you’ve developed an argumentative communication style, being impatient, grudges, destructive thoughts and/or behaviors, lifestyles, etc.

The bible even states that God will help you with this in Psalm 55:22 “Cast your burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain you. He will never permit the righteous to be moved [shaken].”

Also, like Alvin Slaughter said in my church this Friday night: “it’s not the blowing of the wind that controls our direction, but the setting of our sails” (by how God tells us).

I hope I’m not coming off sounding like a parent or judgmental by saying all this stuff to all of you reading this. I’m not trying to tell you how to live. It’s a combination of seeing what each of you is going through, and what I believe God was telling me to share when I prayed. I’m good friends with many of you and my heart hurts when I see people I care about going through tough situations. And I’m just trying to be a good friend the best way I know how (which apparently is by writing super-long essays, lol). I hope and pray that the words written here touch your heart or at the very least give you the opportunity to evaluate your lives and perspectives. God Bless, I love you all!