Tolerance- What It Really Means

Tolerance, bigotry, hate, and judgment are all words being thrown around a lot in society today. Especially from those on opposing sides of a heated debate.

I hear these words a lot as a Christian. Mostly being directed towards Christians for sharing their beliefs. Some people in the world don’t like a lot of what we have to say, so they’ll throw these words at us to try to quiet us down.

Thing is that many people don’t even know the meaning of a few of these words! They’ll say things like “you aren’t practicing tolerance!” or “don’t judge me/ you have no right to judge me!” And they are using these words incorrectly.

First off- tolerance. What is it?

Most people would go back to the root of the word “tolerate” which is basically defined as “putting up with something bad.”

However, tolerance doesn’t mean to put up with bad things. We call tolerance a virtue, but we wouldn’t call it virtuous to put up with just any bad thing- such as murder and rape.

To quote a book I read recently called “Ask Me Anything- Provacative Answers for College Students” by J. Budziszewski- “tolerance doesn’t mean putting up with good things either. So it MUST be about putting up with bad things. To an extent… tolerance is the wisdom to know which bad things to put up with and when. Why and to what degree to put up with them- and the settled disposition of acting on that wisdom.”

Basically, in other words it means that tolerance doesn’t mean tolerating everything. It means tolerating tolerable things. And in order to decide which frustrations or activities are tolerable and which aren’t, we need a moral framework.

However, there’s the rub. As I’ve mentioned in some of my previous writing, people think tolerance will enable them to get along even if they have different moral frameworks. The problem is if your spouse/relative/friend/roommate/etc’s moral framework is radically different from yours, then that person’s view of the tolerable may also be radically different from yours. [I could go on much more on just this statement alone, but that’s an entire post for another day, lol.]

The book goes on to give an interesting example (which I’ll shorten for brevity’s sake) that helps answer the question of when to tolerate and to what degree?

It starts with asking a few questions:

“How should we treat a person who acts heroically?”

-We could give him a medal.

How about someone who enjoys farting loudly?

-Avoid him.

How about a bad-tempered bully who likes to pick fights?

-Avoid him- and warn others to avoid him too.

How about a fellow who burglarizes your house?

-Put him in jail.”

This shows four behaviors. The example assigned four different levels of toleration, with honors at one end and punishment at the other. You need wisdom to know not only what to tolerate, but also how far to go.

Then there is the common example of when to show tolerance, such as speech. We should always “put up with” (and hear out) people expressing false or opposing opinions in debates. However, it’s not okay for people to shout “Fire!” in a crowded theater (there’s even a law against it).

The issue comes when someone (including myself), speaks from a Christian perspective and some people call us intolerant. Too many people wrongly define the Christian view as intolerant. They contradict themselves by saying “it’s intolerant to have strong convictions”, but they themselves show strong convictions by saying “it’s intolerant to say that anyone else’s view is false or that any behavior is wrong.”

So I just want to clear some things up about “tolerance” and “judgment.”

Sorry to spoil it for some people out there but it is NOT [always] intolerant to simply express an opposing view, no matter how much you disagree with it (this counts for all discussions, including those on hotly-debated topics like abortion, gay marriage, etc).

However, there are ground rules we must follow (especially Christians) so it doesn’t come across as being “high and mighty” or judging someone.

There are four ground rules to follow and they are:

1) It’s not necessarily intolerant to express strong convictions, BUT tolerance requires doing so with gentleness and humility.

(Basically, you can’t just blurt out your convictions without giving any reasons).

2) It’s not necessarily intolerant to suggest that an opposing view is false, BUT tolerance requires doing so with charity and patience.

(We need to listen better and try to see where people supporting the opposing view are coming from to better understand them).

3) It’s not necessarily intolerant to suggest that a particular behavior should NOT be tolerated, BUT tolerance requires learning to draw the line.

(Think of it this way- if tolerance is the wisdom of knowing which bad things to put up with, then you can miss the mark in either of two directions, such as putting up with what you shouldn’t or by not putting up with what you should).

4) It’s not necessarily intolerant to express a “moral judgment”- a conclusion of reasoning about right and wrong or good and bad, BUT tolerance requires doing so without presumption or self-righteousness.

(It’s okay for people, including Christians, to correct “wrong behavior.” If you see someone committing a sin (such as knowing they are being promiscuous or thinking of committing abortion) then you can tell them that their behaviors are wrong and self-destructive. That is NOT judging a person (despite what others may have you believe, or possibly what you may believe yourself). That is correcting them (which is allowed and even ordered in the Bible), so that they may not hurt themselves or others and trying to save their souls. Judging, would be if you took it upon yourself to punish that person, b/c you have no authority to do so (only God has that right, or the appointed legal/moral authority here on earth if their sin happens to be illegal). You shouldn’t stop being a good friend or neighbor to someone just b/c you disagree with their actions. You must continue to love them and treat them as you normally would. In many cases you should even go out of your way to show your love to that person more, b/c the reason they may be committing these sins/actions is that they are searching for something, including love and/or acceptance.)

Now some of you may disagree with the above statement, but that is how you show REAL love. Too many people confuse acceptance with love, but how are we to accept what is destroying a person? Promiscuity hurts the person committing it, drugs hurt the person abusing them, abortion kills the baby and leaves emotional scars on the parents- especially the mother. These are just a few quick examples. Is it love to just stand idly by and let a person commit those acts for fear of being called intolerant? Or is it love to reach out to the person, point out how they are hurting themselves and try to help them realize what they are doing and helping them want to make a change for the better?

Because THAT is what love is- it’s a commitment of the will to the TRUE good of the other person. Basically, you want what’s best for the other person and would hate anything that tried to destroy your beloved.

Now don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t give everyone the license to go around and call people out on all their actions. The Bible also says to not point out the speck in someone’s eye when you have a log in your own. (But be careful not to take that to the extreme either and think that no one can ever say anything to anyone b/c no one is free of sin, but I digress…)

In the end, we are commanded to love our neighbor. God wants what is best for us, and as Christians, we are to be like Christ. So generally (unfortunately, I can’t speak for everyone), we mean well, and I hope that helps open people’s understanding in order to have more civil discussions/debates in the future.