A tough pill to swallow...

I originally posted this on my myspace blog, but I had to share it here as well.

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Yesterday was a really crappy day (and today isn't going great either).

First I found out early in the day that Kristen's aunt passed away in the morning. So my heart was going out to her.

Then later in the afternoon I went to visit my dad, who had to be taken back to the hospital (Montefiore), b/c he had an infection. He needed two blood transfusions so far. He's not in immediate danger b/c thankfully they caught it right away, but still... it's rough to see him in such a state.

Finally, I get home, do a workout to relieve some stress and get on the phone to chat with Ariana for a bit. While I was on the phone with Ariana, I saw that my friend Chaz was trying to call me. I didn't take the call b/c I was still in mid-convo with Ariana but as soon as I hung up with Ariana I got on my laptop both to read James big birthday blog post that I had been looking forward to reading all day, and to IM Chaz to see what was up, and offer to return his call.

Well I IMed Chaz first, and as I stated in my last blog post- he dropped a bombshell on me- my favorite wrestler of ALL TIME, Chris Benoit and his family were found dead in their homes on Monday afternoon.

I sat there in shock… hoping beyond hope it was a cruel joke, but it was posted on all the wrestling sites (including wwe.com) so I knew it was true.

At that point my hands were just trembling, and continued like that for at least 15 minutes. I just kept trying to figure out what could have happened.

Benoit had missed the PPV the night before. When we were at Phil's house for the PPV, we had arrived late, so we only saw the last 3 matches. We then waited for the replay to catch the beginning. But we were getting tired so we figured- "we'll stay only til we see the Benoit vs CM Punk match." But then when they announced Benoit was being replaced due to a "family emergency" we were all like "WHA???"

We immediately hopped online to find out what happened but all that was reported was that Benoit went home to be with his family due to an emergency and wouldn't make the show.

So immediately I'm trying to figure out- "what kind of family emergency ends up with an entire family dead??" My mind began to race- kidnapping? Extortion? Burglary? None of those seemed likely.

The "best case scenario" in my head was that maybe it was Carbon Monoxide poisoning. He could have gone home b/c his kid was sick (CM effects kids easier than adults and is often misdiagnosed as just a flu or something) and then went to bed and just never woke up.

So I watched Raw last night and the show was basically cancelled- it began with Vince McMahon in the ring (thereby throwing the whole "McMahon is dead" story out the window) as he read a statement, which I remember went something like this "tonight the storyline was supposed to be about remembering the alleged demise of my character Mr. McMahon. But in real life, this morning Chris Benoit and his family were found dead. So tonight will be a 3 hour tribute to one of the greatest wrestlers WWE has ever known."

I watched the show, which was basically just old Benoit matches as well as tributes from wrestlers. But thing is… I never cried. I guess I was still in shock, but it wasn't until near the end of the show when they had Chavo and then Edge speak, that I slightly broke out of shock to go into sadness. But still… no tears.

Watching the main event of the evening: the triple threat match at WrestleMania XX from MSG, which I was live in attendance for, was especially bittersweet.

I was chatting online with a few people and here are some excerpts from my convos:

Sheila: watchin that match [The WrestleMania XX Main event with Triple H, Shawn Michaels & Chris Benoit] broke me down
JE: yeah...
JE: knowing both guys are now gone
Sheila: This is just unreal
Sheila: just so unreal JE
Sheila: I know to non fans we look dumb but its like if Derek Jeter died tomorrow
JE: serious
JE: he was my FAVORITE wrestler. not the Rock, or Austin or Bret Hart... no from the first match I ever saw him in- Benoit has been my favorite
JE: i was there at WM XX
JE: when he won the rumble I was jumping around Phil's living room b/c I knew we were going to WrestleMania and i was like "I might get to see benoit win his first title!!"
JE: and i daydreamed of it for like 2 months leading up to the show (cuz yes i'm a dork)
Sheila: no but its the love of this industry
Sheila: you either do or dont
Sheila: to be a wrestlin fan you just have to
Sheila: regardless if he was myf avorite i respected the shit out of benoit
JE: so when he won that title... oh man, i lost it. it was literally a dream come true. i had been waiting so long to see him get the respect he deserved and win the World title. and the fact i was there LIVE- just icing on the cake
Sheila: I'm gonna get ready for work tomorrow
JE: bleh.. i should do the same
JE: but i'm so wound up
Sheila: yea I really am just blah right now
JE: at least for Eddie we found out at like 10am, so we had the WHOLE day to let it sink in
Sheila: yea i just wish we knew what happened

And this convo happened at about the same time:

James: this is so fuckin sad
JE: yeah...
JE: bittersweet to rewatch this
James: don't say anything but i am sitting here balling
James: remembering the emotion in the building
JE: yup
JE: dude... i was screaming
James: i remember
JE: i lost my voice from starting that "Tap, Bitch TAP!" chant
JE: that was the happiest moment i've had watching wrestling
JE: i remember saying right after "Benoit and Eddie Guerrero are both World champions... and everything is right in the world"

Then the show was over. So I went to a wrestling messageboard I check quite often just to see what people were saying about Benoit, and that's when MORE bad news broke out.

It was then being reported that they were looking into the deaths as a "Double Murder-Suicide."

Everyone on the boards was stunned in disbelief. Immediately I thought it was the wife that did it (b/c everything I've EVER heard about Benoit was that he was the nicest, calmest guy around. Hell they just spent 3 hours eulogizing him and saying what a great family man he was).

But sadly, as the night went on it, more rumors (and some facts) began to slip through little by little. And by the time I went to bed around 1:30am, it was looking like Benoit was the culprit behind everything.

These were some posts on the messageboard (over at Online Onslaught.com) that really stood out to me, b/c they encompassed how not only how I felt, but how the wrestling community as a whole was feeling.

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Denial...we don't want to believe Chris Benoit is dead...we don't want to consider the HOW at all...

Anger...we start to realize the possible ways of how Benoit died...

Bargaining...we hope that what has happening, didn't...we hope that a mother killed her son in order to hold on to our hero...

Depression...a man who was hero worshipped is dead...all signs point to the same man many of us called God being the man responsible for the death of his wife and son...tributes from our heroes friends and co-workers ring hallow and seem disgusting...our God is now a "chicken shit scumbag"

Acceptance....how?

-[I didn't get the author's name and I'm too lazy to go search for it in the 20 pages of posts]

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At this point, since nobody can say anything that isn't wild speculation, I'd add one bit of speculation that might offer absolution for fans who want to remain fans of Benoit, regardless of outcome. And that is that the man was concussed an awful lot in his time as a wrestler, and as yet, all we know about the longterm effects of concussion isn't very much. But one effect that seems fairly common in football players who've suffered repeated severe concussions is an almost crushing depression and/or manic depression. So even if Benoit is ultimately judged responsible for killing his family and himself, it's possible that he was far from in his right mind and may not have known how serious his problems were. Given the preventive healthcare WWE offers in general — which wavers between "hahahahaha! what problem?" and "lalalalalalalala I CAN'T HEAR YOU" — it's possible he might never have even known problems like his existed.

-Jeb Tennyson Lund

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I don't know how to feel, I'm grieving and confused. I know you never know what a person is really like, and it's difficult to explain why wrestling is different. You feel like you know them, you watch them every week, and if you're a giant nerd like some of us are, you learn as much as you can about the people on the show. You read their books, check wrestling news sites, and follow the behind the scenes action. You get a feel for who these guys are, what they're like, and the ones who really love it stand out, make an impression. Benoit was one of those. He made me love technical wrestling. The athleticism of it, the pure passion and dedication to entertain millions. He loved it, and I loved him for it.

To hear that he may be responsible for the death of his wife and child, all I can ask is why? Everything is pure speculation at this point, it seems likely he did it, but still I keep asking myself why? And how am I supposed to feel now? I'm torn. I want to grieve, I want to miss a great wrestler in peace. I don't want to think that one of the people I respected most in this business could be responsible for murdering his wife and 7-year-old son.

-Lorey Mysterio [I think this poster summed up my feelings best]

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I know that we all have different ways of looking at people who commit horrible acts. For me, I firmly believe that a horrible act doesn't necessarily happen because of a bad person.

-chretienbabacool

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And that's basically where I was at when I came into work this morning and began typing this blog.

Since that time (a little over an hour ago), some preliminary details from the autopsies have been released and right now it is being reported that Benoit strangled his wife on Saturday, smothered his son on Sunday, and then hung himself on Monday.

And that… just disturbs me to no end. It hurts so much to know that someone I've watched for YEARS could be guilty of such a heinous crime. Chris Benoit was the closest thing I had to a celebrity "hero." I won't use the word hero, b/c I never really had any. I never looked up to any actors, musicians, athletes, etc. Mostly b/c I learned at an early age that they aren't as perfect as you may believe they are and they are people just like you and me, so there is no reason to put anyone on a pedestal above yourself.

But Benoit was awesome. When I was in high school (and even college) and daydreaming about becoming a professional wrestler, he was the wrestler I wanted to be. My daydreams consisted of me wrestling in world title matches with Benoit in front of thousands of people (and millions at home on TV).

So this just sucks…

Yet another update:
I just watched the press conference they had on FoxNews (yeah, I normally wouldn't go near that channel but this is a special circumstance). They basically confirmed the info given above, but just pushed up the timeline a bit- Nancy Benoit was killed Friday, the son on early Saturday, and they actually said Benoit probably killed himself on Saturday also… but that's weird b/c I had heard stuff about him sending text messages on Sunday and being in contact with WWE people…so they might be off by a few hours.

Causes of death: asphixiation to both Nancy and Daniel (Nancy was killed in an office, Daniel in his bed). Benoit then went to his basement and hung himself with a cord for one of those weightlifting machines.

To add to the disturbing news: bibles were left near the bodies of both victims.

I just don't even know what to say at this point… I have so many GREAT memories of Benoit, and now… I don't even know how I will feel next time I'm watching through my old wrestling DVDs. The Benoit DVD I have is one of the highlights in my collection… could I bring myself to ever watch it and enjoy it again? Who knows… and then I think of a question brought up on the messageboards:

Does one final unstable act negate a life of good?

I don't know how to answer that. Part of me still really wishes beyond all hope that there was some outside foul play involved b/c this is just too much to handle. I do NOT want to remember Benoit this way.

And then I just think about how the media portrays things like this… and how people will see it. Once again, I have to defend myself as to why I love and watch pro-wrestling. And Benoit was supposed to be one of the safe bets- no drugs, straight up guy, family man, hardest worker in the business. etc. He was the one you could point to when WWE did stupid stories like McMahon blowing up, Eddie trying steal Rey's son, or the Katie Vick angle and say "Ok, THAT might be stupid, but this guy and guys like him are the real reason I watch!"

And now he's gone, and in about the worst way possible. And it puts a bad taste in everyone's mouths.

It's just a tragedy in every sense of the word… and now I'm just done with this. I need to put my mind on something else. I might post back later about this, but we'll see.

All I can think of to say to end this, is that I love and care about all my family and friends… God Bless.

My 300th Post! (a catch up post for the beginning of June).

Well, it’s the summertime, which is generally the time of year where I get to update more often (since I’m stuck in the office bored out of my mind).

Hopefully, as of next week, I should be updating fairly regularly. So I just wanted to take this opportunity to catch up with some things that have happened in the past week and a half or so.

First off, last week I wound up buying the new WWE Ladder Match DVD. It is freakin awesome. It’s got almost every ladder match that has happened in the WWE in the past 7 years (and some from before too). I can’t wait to rewatch some of the Tag Team TLC matches with Edge & Christian, The Hardys, the Dudleys and more. It’s also cool, b/c my dad is a big fan of wrestling, so I’ve been bringing the DVD with me when I visit him, and we’ve watched a handful of matches. I think he likes that.

When I was in Bestbuy to purchase the Ladder Match DVD, I noticed that Tekken 5 for the PS2 was put as a “Greatest Hit” for only $20, so since I have been a fan of the Tekken series (and played Tekken 5 quite a bit when my cousin Mitchell brought it with him when he visited for Christmas), I decided to pick up a copy. I haven’t had a chance to play it a lot, but it’s definitely cool, and gives me an outlet to release any frustrations I may have.

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Last Saturday- Me, Ariana, Phil & Ketrin went to New Roc to see Knocked Up. That movie was absolutely hysterical. The first hour was especially fun. It’s fairly long for a comedy (it runs for about 2 hours and 10 mins), but the time flies by. And looking back at it, I really can’t see what you could edit out, b/c pretty much every piece was important to the story. I definitely give the movie the highest recommendation and put it as a strong contender for Movie of the Year (up there with Spider-Man 3 and 300, each of which I absolutely loved).

Then Ariana and I decided to sneak into another screen to see Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. We knew we were in for a long day at the movies, since Knocked Up was long, and we heard Pirates was nearly 3 hours, but we figured if we didn’t see it then, we probably weren’t going to be able to see the movie in the theaters at all.

However, after sitting through the movie, we probably would have been better off just waiting for the DVD. Man, that movie was LONG. Not only was it long, but it was confusing as heck (how many betrayals, alliances and backstabbings did they have?? I lost track! And don’t get me started on how they could somehow sail to the “Land of the Dead” so freakin retarded). I was really disappointed in the movie. Even the huge fight sequence at the end of the movie- I was just so drained and disinterested by that time in the movie, that as good as the effects were, I just couldn’t bring myself to care.

After the movies, Ariana and I went to Applebees for dinner and boy did we tear into that menu (we really didn’t get to eat much through the day since we were at the movies for about 6 hours). The highlight as always was the Crispy Bread Pudding for dessert- man that is good stuff!

Following dinner, we went to Patty and Joe’s place, so Patty could show us the progress on the Save the Date cards she was designing and printing for us. And then we just hung around for awhile chatting away. So it was a nice day overall.

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The next night (Sunday), I had no plans initially, but I got a call from Phil midday about having a “Guy’s Night Out” that night, so of course I joined in.

It wound up being me, Phil, Jordan and Joe J. and we went to Joe’s place to hang out and watch movies.

I picked up each of the guy’s in my car and then we headed to Blockbuster to rent a DVD. This led to an amusing story:

So we walk into the place and one of the worker’s is walking around and when he sees us browsing he asks us if we needed help finding anything. We pretty much tell him “not really… we’re just looking for a fun, stupid movie.” And continue to search without his help.

The search was pretty difficult, as between the four of us (especially US four) at least one of us had seen almost every new release they had out there.

In the end, we decided to go REALLY stupid and rented Epic Movie. Thing is, when we get to the cashier, it was the same guy who asked us earlier if we needed help and he warned us that it was not worth wasting our money renting that movie. So we ask him “Okay… well we’re in the mood for Stupid Comedy, what do you suggest?”

Now the guy was either totally not paying attention to anything we were saying to him, or he was just dumb as a brick b/c he responds with this gem:


“Apocalypto was really good.”


We just found that to be friggin hysterical. We somehow managed to not to laugh right in his face and politely declined his suggestion and rented Epic Movie anyway. But as soon as we stepped outside the store, we busted out laughing all like “Apocalypto??? The Hell??”

We all had fun cracking jokes at the guy’s expense. Jordan made a few funny comments including something along the lines of “Hmm… and let me follow that with Schindler’s List, that’s a great movie.”

For the rest of the night, all anyone had to say was “Apocalypto” and it had us all rolling.

In the end, the guy was right though, Epic Movie was pretty bad. There were a small handful of amusing scenes but it wasn’t worth it. But it was cool to just hang with the guys, so it didn’t really matter.

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On Monday we got a call with some good news from my Lawyer. The seller’s lawyer finally finished up his side of the deal so we are now in a position to close. So hopefully we will be closed and have the keys in our hand within the next week or so.

It’s a little complicated due to a few things (which I’ll probably go into in another post). But overall it’s good news. So I can’t wait to finally be an owner. Ariana and I are very excited. We are really looking forward to fixing up the place.

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On Tuesday we took the Middle school students in our program to the United Nations. I myself had never been to the UN, so I was looking forward to it.

The kids on the other hand, weren’t as thrilled. First bad sign was when most of them asked “Where are we going?” It’s like “umm… didn’t you read the permission form both you and your parents signed??”

Then they also asked what the UN was? Which I guess is a slightly better question, but not by much, b/c shouldn’t this have been covered in their social studies classes?? And even if not, almost all of them have internet access. Wouldn’t it be common sense to say “hey I’m going on a trip to the UN tomorrow… I have no clue what the UN is, let me google it?”

No, I guess all they care about is playing video games, IMing their friends and general BS on sites like myspace (even though they are mostly all underage for that).

Another thing was that almost none of them came dressed for the trip. We were going to the United Nations. You’d think the parents of the kids would put them in something halfway decent. We’re not even asking for suit and tie, but at least not baggy pants and shirts that are 4 sizes too large.

Also, these kids need to learn respect. And how to act when they are put in certain situations. They need to realize that depending where you are you need to act in the proper fashion. An example one of the chaperone’s gave is that you wouldn’t act the same way at a formal dinner as you would at home, school, or even the local fast food joint. But many of them don’t realize that, and it’s sad. And it’s not all their faults… it has a LOT to do with the parents too.

But that’s a rant for another day. Let me not stray too off topic, b/c I can go off about this stuff for pages.

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Later that night, Ariana and I went to Patty & Joe’s place again to get a final look at the Save the Dates (b/c there had been issues with both the paper and printer). But things are now finalized and began to be fully printed that night.

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On Wednesday, I went to the Yankees vs Diamondbacks game. Before the game I met up with one of my classmates from Lehman, Serena, and we took the train over to the stadium together. We then met up with Ariana there and went to McDonald’s for dinner. Serena was meeting some of her friends at the game, and actually got hooked up with sitting in like the 7th row (so jealous…), but we met up with her again after the game to go back on the train together (as we parked near Ariana to avoid having to drive to the stadium and deal with parking, which is nuts due to all the construction).

The game itself went great, and the Yankees won 7-2, which finally puts them over .500! It was also their 8th straight win (and they won on Thursday as well), so they have a chance to match and maybe break their win streak record under Torre (which maxed out at 10 games). So we shall see, although by my just saying that, I probably doomed them to lose tonight, unless me acknowledging that fact plays as a counter…

… geez baseball players and fans really are a superstitious bunch aren’t we? Lol.

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I had signed up for one of those Focus group studies (where an interviewer asks you questions about something and then give you some sort of a stipend afterwards), a few weeks ago, and the interview was yesterday.

It was up in Elmsford and it was about Barnes & Noble and how they planned to update their website. It was a pretty simple and straightforward meeting. It lasted for only about 45 minutes and I was paid with a $75 B&N gift card. So that was pretty sweet.

When I got home, we had some company, our friend Isaac, and none of us had eaten yet, so we decided to go grab some Chinese food, where I got me some Steamed Pork Dumplings (they’ve become my new food obsession. Greg is right, they are like crack!)

Then I had to meet up with Joe J. to pick up the Save the Date cards that Patty had completed for us. He was actually hanging with some of the crew on Pete’s boat on City Island, so I met up with him at the docks and since I was already there I figured I might as well stay and hang out for awhile. That worked out well, b/c Pete actually decided to take the boat out for a short ride, so I got my first ever ride on a personal boat (ferries and party boats don’t count).

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And now I’m all caught up. We have a pretty busy weekend ahead of us but it should be fun. So I should have plenty to blog about as of Monday. Check back soon!

P.S. I’m trying to organize a group outing to go see Avenue Q the first week in July (I found a good deal for cheap tix). I sent out an e-mail about it, but if for someone reason you didn’t get it and are interested, let me know!

Pics from Jubilee

Here are some of the pics from Jubilee Weekend. There are a lot more: Phil has about 530+ but these are the ones from my camera. You can see more pics either on my facebook or myspace pages.

Jubilee 2007

Jubilee Weekend

This past weekend was my 5-year college reunion. It is know at Fordham University as Jubilee weekend: and it is a reunion for every class in 5 year increments (meaning this Jubilee was for class of 2002, 1997, 1992, all the way back to 1957).

I had been looking forward to this event for quite awhile. I've been to three previous Jubilee's. I worked the event twice: as a Junior and a Senior (well technically right after I graduated), and then we crashed it in 2003. We've all had a blast every time we've gone, b/c the gala on the Saturday night is always a good time. They usually have a live band, a DJ and the all-important open-bar.

We got a good amount of our crew to commit to attend this year, including bringing guests who were students at Fordham but graduated in different years. So the crew for the weekened consisted mostly of Me, Ariana, Phil, Ketrin, James, Henry, Viviana, Patty & Joe.

Me & Ariana arrived at Fordham around 2:45pm on Saturday. We got our intro packet, and then got ourselves a cart ride over to Martyr's Court, where we would be dorming for the night.

After we settled in our stuff, we started meeting up with people. We ran into Stevo, Frank and Eric. They were actually in the rooms right near us, which was cool. Then we headed out to McGinley Center, where we met up with a few more people and then made our way over to Keating Hall for our class picture.

Sadly, not very many people showed up for the class picture b/c they either hadn't arrived yet, or were too busy getting drunk at the Pub Party going on at the same time. So our class picture consisted of about 16 people, but that's ok, b/c I knew most of them, so it makes it more personalized, heh.

At this point we were all pretty hungry, so we headed over to Arthur Ave and went to Full Moon pizza for some lunch/dinner. On the way back to campus, we picked up some beer and ice for the coolers we had brought with us to the dorms.

Joe & Patty arrived just as we were getting back to the dorms, and they had brought a cooler of their own, filled with booze, so we had them pile everything in our room (which became "Party Central") and hung out for a little while.

Then we started to get ready for the evening gala, which was under a tent on Eddie's Parade. It was a formal event, so all the guys were looking pretty sharp and the ladies were gorgeous as always. We took a bunch of pics outside on Eddie's and then headed in.

Sadly the food at the gala totally sucked. But lucky for me, I decided to have 2 slices of pizza earlier, so it helped tide me through the night.

The rest of the gala was a fun time though. We caught up with a few of our old friends, got nice and toasty at the open bar, tore up the dance floor and took tons of pics- including going to Keating Hall and taking a bunch of shots under the huge Fordham banner there. It was made more amusing by the fact that me and James both had DX shirts underneath our suits. So we opened them up and took some DX pose shots.

The gala ended earlier than usual (at 1:30am) so after that we wandered around for some more drinks and for something to eat. We decided to go "old school" and make a run to White Castle. However, before we did that, we stopped by the dorms so the ladies could change their shoes to make for a more comfortable walk.

As we made our way outside the dorm, we stopped so that James could cut a Stone Cold Steve Austin promo- wearing his "WHAT?" Shirt and with a few "steveweisers" as well. I've posted the promo below for everyone to see.



Then after that, we made our way to White Castle (and yes, James was still soaked in beer, lol). However, to our huge disappointment, White Castle was no longer fully open 24 hours. The drive-thru was open but the dinning hall now closes at midnight. We were really upset b/c we were starving, plus it ruined completing our "Fordham experience."

Everything else in the area had been long closed, but since we were really hungry, we were forced to go to the gas station to grab some hotpockets and burritos to microwave.

We then headed back to dorms, and at this point we had lost more than half the crew so we decided to call it a night (sadly we were unable to have World Stressball War III, but maybe that was a good thing, considering the condition most of us were in).

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The next morning we woke up and headed back over to the tent for a Sunday brunch. Thankfully, I took care of myself the night before, drinking lots of water, so I didn't wake up with a hangover. Most of the rest of the crew couldn't claim the same thing though, lol. We looked pretty out of it. We still had fun though. me and James once again matched theme-shirts as he wore his Original NWO shirt and I wore my Wolfpac NWO shirt.

After the brunch, we took some shots over by the Fordham Ram near Hughes Hall, and then went to the bookstore so people could buy some Fordham merch. Finally, we went back to the dorms to pack, and say goodbye to everyone. We hung out a bit on the lawn, and Stevo finally was able to fulfill his Fordham experience by heading to White Castle and bringing back some for everyone.

And that was about it for the Jubilee weekend. However, our weekend wasn't done. Each of us went home to rest, but then some of us came back out again that night to go to Phil's to see the WWE One Night Stand PPV- which actually turned out to be quite a decent PPV. That wound up signaling the end to our very fun weekend.