Stress...
I have been pretty stressed out lately. Lots of little things and a few big things have come up that have me running around like a nut.
There are the 3 big things: the wedding, the apartment and my dad. Each would be a pretty stressful and busy situation on their own. The three of them together have been quite impactful on me.
Wedding planning is stressful b/c of the time limit. Don't get me wrong, a lot of it is fun and exciting, and I'm very much looking forward to the wedding. It's just that we have lots of stuff to do, and each part must be done by a certain time. Thank God that things have been falling into place little by little, but it's still something we are constantly busy with. Just this past weekend we spent the full first half of the day Saturday looking over and finally choosing wedding invitations. So that was at least one more item to cross off our lists. Then the rest of the day we spent busy with registry stuff.
Sadly, overall we got a later start to that than we would have liked (but that is due to the other busy things going on). I know there will be a bridal shower and stuff, so we're on a time-crunch to have a bunch of stuff in the registry for that. And we have some stuff, but it's just been hard to get our butts to the stores. I mean it is fun to do, but it's a lot of stuff to look through. And it was especially hard at first since we didn't have the apartment when we began, so we didn't know what colors we'd be having for the bathroom, kitchen and bedrooms. So we couldn't just put any random stuff on the registry.
We've narrowed down stuff, but at the same time, we've been debating changing one of the stores we have a registry at to another place b/c the original place is going through a fairly big overhaul and not having a lot of the stuff we need. So we'll see how that plays out.
And then we gotta pick out a wedding band for myself, research flowers, look into tuxes for myself and possibly for the best men (whether I should buy or rent), and then the limo. So yeah, we still have a decent amount of stuff left to do.
****
Then there is the apartment. it's great to be a homeowner, but being in a co-op has it's plusses and minuses. Co-ops have a lot of rules that I'm sure I will appreciate once we are fully moved in and living there, but as someone trying to fix up and move in- the rules can be a huge pain.
We can only do renovation work on Monday through Friday between the hours of 8am-5pm. Which are the hours most normal people are at work. Same goes for when we eventually move in. We'll have to take off to do that. Which is a pain. Cuz the only stuff that can be done on weekends is minor and quiet work, such as painting.
Also, we have to get permits and permission for everything! And everything takes time, and then we have to get in contact with contractors and stuff, which is something I have NO experience with whatsoever. Thank God Jordan is helping us out so much with that stuff, b/c I would be LOST otherwise. I'm just praying everything works out and that the people that he knows and who helped him with his place will be available to help with fixing my place when we need them.
Right now we're in a little bit of limbo with the apartment. We need to file permits with the city, but we need the contractors first. But we also need to buy the kitchen cabinets, counters, floor tiles, etc. We'll be getting that on Saturday (well ordering them at least). But still, everything is taking longer than we originally hoped/expected.
Granted, we knew we were going to be in a time crunch. We had hoped to have closed on the apartment at the end of May, but due to incompetence of the seller's lawyer we got delayed by pretty much a full month. And that threw our schedule off big time. I knew the work on our place would take MINIMUM 6-8 weeks, and more towards the latter. And now we got a later start, and things are going slower than expected, so my hope of being in by the end of August is slipping away more and more everyday.
And that really sucks and has me stressed b/c it's easy for me to take vacation in the summer b/c schools are closed. But going into September is harder b/c at that point we'll be back in the schools. So my boss won't be thrilled with me taking a full week off at that time.
And speaking of school, I will also be back in class by that point, so that's going to be a lot to handle all at once (fixing/moving into apartment, last minute wedding stuff and reading/studying for class). So I'm becoming stressed just thinking about that.
School as a whole might be giving me issues. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I'm hoping I don't have issues registering for the fall semester. I had to take incompletes for my 2 spring classes due to everything with my dad. So I hope it won't effect me negatively for registration (I could just see me having to meet with deans and getting overrides and having to spend more time dealing with this than I have available. I just pray that is not the case).
Plus, I still need to finish the work I need to turn in to get rid of those incompletes. And while I technically have until December, I don't want to be doing that work at the same time I'm doing the schoolwork for the fall semester. I was planning on using the summer for that, but with everything that's been going on, I haven't even had a chance to touch that work yet...
The final annoying thing about school will be that I still have yet to take the GRE's. Initially, I was told by the dean of the program, that I probably wouldn't have to take them due to my experience and stuff. But then at the end of my first semester she seemed to have changed her mind. They wound up putting a block on my account and I wasn't able to register for the spring semester at first. I had to go and explain the situation and get an override but then I was told I'd need to take the exam and submit the scores before the next registration b/c they would not waive me again.
So now I gotta take that damn test before the summer ends. And granted the dean told me it doesn't matter what score I get b/c I'm already in the program and it's solely given so we "understand the experience of the high school students when they have to take tests such as the SATs." It's SUCH BS and such a waste of my time AND money (the test costs like $100, which I could use for things so much more important at this time in my life). So I'm tempted to just go into the test cold and just BS answers and be done with it. But there is the prideful side of me that wants to do well. As well as the paranoid side that has me thinking if I do really bad on this exam it would reflect poorly on me, especially since I started the program on a probationary basis- regardless of what the dean told me.
****
Lastly, there is the whole situation with my dad. That has just been a huge emotional rollercoaster. He had been making really good progress and all our hopes were high, but then he got an infection and had to be sent to the hospital around June 23rd. He was there for about 2 weeks, and that time in the hospital really set his progress back. I don't know what it was- the sickness, being drugged up on meds and painkillers, being frustrated at being in the hospital again, losing out on his occupational therapy, or what, but my dad has taken a few steps backwards.
He's been back in the nursing home for about a week and a half now, but he's not yet back to the condition he was before he went into the hospital. Before he got sick, he was moving his right arm, trying to move the left arm as well as his legs. He was able to respond by nodding or shaking his head, and he even TALKED. Now he's barely doing any of those things. He was just lying there in bed.
I went to visit him a few times this past weekend. He looked a little better on Friday, and better still on both Sunday and Monday, so I'm hoping this is a good sign and that he will be back to the condition he was at before going to the hospital, so he can progress PAST that state, but I just don't know.
So yeah, that is really frustrating. Obviously, I still have hope, and continue to pray for him, but it's really hard to see him just lying there so helpless. It breaks my heart everytime I go visit him.
Making things worse is he developed a bedsore. I knew he had one from when he was initially in the hospital, and they continued to treat it at the nursing home. But I didn't really know exactly what a bedsore was. I figured it was some kind of black and blue sore or something. Well, I finally saw it for the first time a few days into my dad's most recent hospital stay. And oh my God, I was not prepared for what I saw. It was one of the most disgusting wounds I've ever seen. It was definitely the worst thing I've ever seen in person.
And while I know the sore is being treated (and is doing better, as I saw it again on Friday), I know it's still there, and that it HAS to be painful for dad (or at the least quite uncomfortable). So my heart just aches for him. It brings tears to my eyes even as I write this.
And that's just ONE part of my dad's situation. The other major part is that his insurance will soon be running out when it comes to covering the nursing home. So I know the step after that will be for him to be put on Medicaid. The issue with that is to be on Medicaid, you can't have ANYTHING to your name. You're allowed $1500 in assets and that is IT.
Thankfully, I was able to get power of attorney during one point when my dad was in a coherent state. So I went to his bank and basically wiped out his account by transferring it to myself. So at least they won't get that money.
But the main issue is his co-op apartment. He owns it, meaning Medicaid will basically take it away. I can't allow them to do that. I was initially just going to try to put my name on the certificate and stuff as well. But I was told that wouldn't be good enough. I have to take his name COMPLETELY off everything and have it transferred to myself. And that takes lawyers and stuff.
So I basically have to find a lawyer, who specializes in Elder Law, and get all this stuff taken care of, and have it done as soon as possible (probably by the end of August at the latest).
So once again, the word of the day is: STRESS!
And then to add to it (yes, there is more… just when you thought it was over, right?) my boss decides NOW of all times he needs to tighten the rules in the office.
Now I'm going to share something with everyone. It's not to make you all jealous or anything, but just so you can see where I am coming from.
We've gotten away with murder at my job. Our job is VERY laid back. Although let me clarify this is in the summertime- not the school year.
We would show up at like 11:00am, take lunch and then leave at like 3:30-4:00pm sometimes (not everyday, sometimes it was one or the other, but sometimes we did all of that in one day). We were able to get away with this for two reasons: a) we're in the basement of Hughes Hall, basically separated from EVERYONE, so we have no one looking over us. Thus, we can take a few liberties. But the main reason b) is that we do NOTHING in the summer. We are school counselors. In the summer, there is no school. So we have almost no work. All we have to do is finish filing the folders for all the students in the program and input that information into the database. That is IT! And honestly, that work could be done during our Friday office days during the school year, but we tend to save it for the summer, just so we have something to pass the time at work. And in the end, it's not that much work. If I worked on it for 7 hours a day, I'd be done with everything in less than 2 weeks. Heck, I could probably bang it out in one week, since I'm pretty fast.
But my boss got kind of scared b/c we are one program under an umbrella of two programs. The other program is located at FMH. And they were pulling the same stunts that we were. The problem with that is, FMH is where payroll, human resources and a few other high offices are located. So they were idiots to pull the same kind of crap in that area. And they got noticed and were basically told to cut it out. So now my boss is freaking out that we will be caught and reprimanded (which wouldn't happen, b/c we are basically the forgotten program here at Fordham. They honestly don't care much about us one way or another). But try telling him that.
So he started implementing all these new rules, and is being a lot stricter with our time. We basically now HAVE to hold a 9-5 schedule. He'll allow us to come in at 10, but only if we use that as our lunch hour. And granted, this is NORMAL for any other job out there. But not my job.
We were used to things running a certain way, and now we have to get used to a brand new way of working. And you know what? I don't really have a problem with that. It's the way things should be, EXCEPT this was the ONE summer I was really depending on my job's lax attitude towards hours b/c I used up ALL my personal and vacation days in April with everything that happened with my father. So with the aforementioned wedding planning, apartment work, running errands for dad, school work, etc. I was really counting on having those extra hours to do those things without having to take time off. So this change in policy has thrown a huge wrench into the works.
And like I said, I know I'm not in much of a position to complain about office policies considering what we've gotten away with in the past, but it just figures that it all came at this time of the year. I wouldn't even be as upset if this was implemented last summer. Because even though I'd be in the same position, at least I would have come in expecting it. This came about pretty suddenly. And even though my boss gave a small warning that changes were going to come, we all kind of shrugged it off, b/c he says that almost every year and nothing would ever happen, b/c he was just as bad as we were (if not worse). But this time he's sticking to his guns, so I'm just annoyed that it had to happen NOW of all times.
****
And those are the major issues I'm dealing with right now. But of course there are always the little things that occur on top of everything else (which I won't even mention here), so it's just a lot to deal with.
I don't know how I've been doing it. Well, that's not true. I do know, and the reason why is my faith in God. I've been praying a LOT lately. And I made a promise to myself and God at the beginning of the year to read through the entire Bible, b/c it's been a few years since I've really read it outside of church, and I don't want to base my faith on memories of readings from when I was a child or even a teenager. I want to really know and understand everything that goes along with the real Christian faith.
So that has been very rewarding, and has helped me cope with all the situations I have gone through (and are going through) this year. But while I may be coping with things a lot better than other people in similar situations might be, it's still a lot to handle. It's human nature to worry and stress over certain things. Especially with the issues that I'm having now.
In the end, I don't know what the real purpose of this post was… I guess just to vent a little (although I'm not expecting anything from anyone). I more just wanted to put my thoughts down on "paper." and just ask once again that you all keep me and my family in your prayers, because we can really use it.
Also, thank you to everyone who has supported me in this crazy time. Especially those of you who have really stepped up and are doing things for me that are above and beyond what I would/could have asked for. You guys are awesome!
God Bless!
JE
There are the 3 big things: the wedding, the apartment and my dad. Each would be a pretty stressful and busy situation on their own. The three of them together have been quite impactful on me.
Wedding planning is stressful b/c of the time limit. Don't get me wrong, a lot of it is fun and exciting, and I'm very much looking forward to the wedding. It's just that we have lots of stuff to do, and each part must be done by a certain time. Thank God that things have been falling into place little by little, but it's still something we are constantly busy with. Just this past weekend we spent the full first half of the day Saturday looking over and finally choosing wedding invitations. So that was at least one more item to cross off our lists. Then the rest of the day we spent busy with registry stuff.
Sadly, overall we got a later start to that than we would have liked (but that is due to the other busy things going on). I know there will be a bridal shower and stuff, so we're on a time-crunch to have a bunch of stuff in the registry for that. And we have some stuff, but it's just been hard to get our butts to the stores. I mean it is fun to do, but it's a lot of stuff to look through. And it was especially hard at first since we didn't have the apartment when we began, so we didn't know what colors we'd be having for the bathroom, kitchen and bedrooms. So we couldn't just put any random stuff on the registry.
We've narrowed down stuff, but at the same time, we've been debating changing one of the stores we have a registry at to another place b/c the original place is going through a fairly big overhaul and not having a lot of the stuff we need. So we'll see how that plays out.
And then we gotta pick out a wedding band for myself, research flowers, look into tuxes for myself and possibly for the best men (whether I should buy or rent), and then the limo. So yeah, we still have a decent amount of stuff left to do.
****
Then there is the apartment. it's great to be a homeowner, but being in a co-op has it's plusses and minuses. Co-ops have a lot of rules that I'm sure I will appreciate once we are fully moved in and living there, but as someone trying to fix up and move in- the rules can be a huge pain.
We can only do renovation work on Monday through Friday between the hours of 8am-5pm. Which are the hours most normal people are at work. Same goes for when we eventually move in. We'll have to take off to do that. Which is a pain. Cuz the only stuff that can be done on weekends is minor and quiet work, such as painting.
Also, we have to get permits and permission for everything! And everything takes time, and then we have to get in contact with contractors and stuff, which is something I have NO experience with whatsoever. Thank God Jordan is helping us out so much with that stuff, b/c I would be LOST otherwise. I'm just praying everything works out and that the people that he knows and who helped him with his place will be available to help with fixing my place when we need them.
Right now we're in a little bit of limbo with the apartment. We need to file permits with the city, but we need the contractors first. But we also need to buy the kitchen cabinets, counters, floor tiles, etc. We'll be getting that on Saturday (well ordering them at least). But still, everything is taking longer than we originally hoped/expected.
Granted, we knew we were going to be in a time crunch. We had hoped to have closed on the apartment at the end of May, but due to incompetence of the seller's lawyer we got delayed by pretty much a full month. And that threw our schedule off big time. I knew the work on our place would take MINIMUM 6-8 weeks, and more towards the latter. And now we got a later start, and things are going slower than expected, so my hope of being in by the end of August is slipping away more and more everyday.
And that really sucks and has me stressed b/c it's easy for me to take vacation in the summer b/c schools are closed. But going into September is harder b/c at that point we'll be back in the schools. So my boss won't be thrilled with me taking a full week off at that time.
And speaking of school, I will also be back in class by that point, so that's going to be a lot to handle all at once (fixing/moving into apartment, last minute wedding stuff and reading/studying for class). So I'm becoming stressed just thinking about that.
School as a whole might be giving me issues. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I'm hoping I don't have issues registering for the fall semester. I had to take incompletes for my 2 spring classes due to everything with my dad. So I hope it won't effect me negatively for registration (I could just see me having to meet with deans and getting overrides and having to spend more time dealing with this than I have available. I just pray that is not the case).
Plus, I still need to finish the work I need to turn in to get rid of those incompletes. And while I technically have until December, I don't want to be doing that work at the same time I'm doing the schoolwork for the fall semester. I was planning on using the summer for that, but with everything that's been going on, I haven't even had a chance to touch that work yet...
The final annoying thing about school will be that I still have yet to take the GRE's. Initially, I was told by the dean of the program, that I probably wouldn't have to take them due to my experience and stuff. But then at the end of my first semester she seemed to have changed her mind. They wound up putting a block on my account and I wasn't able to register for the spring semester at first. I had to go and explain the situation and get an override but then I was told I'd need to take the exam and submit the scores before the next registration b/c they would not waive me again.
So now I gotta take that damn test before the summer ends. And granted the dean told me it doesn't matter what score I get b/c I'm already in the program and it's solely given so we "understand the experience of the high school students when they have to take tests such as the SATs." It's SUCH BS and such a waste of my time AND money (the test costs like $100, which I could use for things so much more important at this time in my life). So I'm tempted to just go into the test cold and just BS answers and be done with it. But there is the prideful side of me that wants to do well. As well as the paranoid side that has me thinking if I do really bad on this exam it would reflect poorly on me, especially since I started the program on a probationary basis- regardless of what the dean told me.
****
Lastly, there is the whole situation with my dad. That has just been a huge emotional rollercoaster. He had been making really good progress and all our hopes were high, but then he got an infection and had to be sent to the hospital around June 23rd. He was there for about 2 weeks, and that time in the hospital really set his progress back. I don't know what it was- the sickness, being drugged up on meds and painkillers, being frustrated at being in the hospital again, losing out on his occupational therapy, or what, but my dad has taken a few steps backwards.
He's been back in the nursing home for about a week and a half now, but he's not yet back to the condition he was before he went into the hospital. Before he got sick, he was moving his right arm, trying to move the left arm as well as his legs. He was able to respond by nodding or shaking his head, and he even TALKED. Now he's barely doing any of those things. He was just lying there in bed.
I went to visit him a few times this past weekend. He looked a little better on Friday, and better still on both Sunday and Monday, so I'm hoping this is a good sign and that he will be back to the condition he was at before going to the hospital, so he can progress PAST that state, but I just don't know.
So yeah, that is really frustrating. Obviously, I still have hope, and continue to pray for him, but it's really hard to see him just lying there so helpless. It breaks my heart everytime I go visit him.
Making things worse is he developed a bedsore. I knew he had one from when he was initially in the hospital, and they continued to treat it at the nursing home. But I didn't really know exactly what a bedsore was. I figured it was some kind of black and blue sore or something. Well, I finally saw it for the first time a few days into my dad's most recent hospital stay. And oh my God, I was not prepared for what I saw. It was one of the most disgusting wounds I've ever seen. It was definitely the worst thing I've ever seen in person.
And while I know the sore is being treated (and is doing better, as I saw it again on Friday), I know it's still there, and that it HAS to be painful for dad (or at the least quite uncomfortable). So my heart just aches for him. It brings tears to my eyes even as I write this.
And that's just ONE part of my dad's situation. The other major part is that his insurance will soon be running out when it comes to covering the nursing home. So I know the step after that will be for him to be put on Medicaid. The issue with that is to be on Medicaid, you can't have ANYTHING to your name. You're allowed $1500 in assets and that is IT.
Thankfully, I was able to get power of attorney during one point when my dad was in a coherent state. So I went to his bank and basically wiped out his account by transferring it to myself. So at least they won't get that money.
But the main issue is his co-op apartment. He owns it, meaning Medicaid will basically take it away. I can't allow them to do that. I was initially just going to try to put my name on the certificate and stuff as well. But I was told that wouldn't be good enough. I have to take his name COMPLETELY off everything and have it transferred to myself. And that takes lawyers and stuff.
So I basically have to find a lawyer, who specializes in Elder Law, and get all this stuff taken care of, and have it done as soon as possible (probably by the end of August at the latest).
So once again, the word of the day is: STRESS!
And then to add to it (yes, there is more… just when you thought it was over, right?) my boss decides NOW of all times he needs to tighten the rules in the office.
Now I'm going to share something with everyone. It's not to make you all jealous or anything, but just so you can see where I am coming from.
We've gotten away with murder at my job. Our job is VERY laid back. Although let me clarify this is in the summertime- not the school year.
We would show up at like 11:00am, take lunch and then leave at like 3:30-4:00pm sometimes (not everyday, sometimes it was one or the other, but sometimes we did all of that in one day). We were able to get away with this for two reasons: a) we're in the basement of Hughes Hall, basically separated from EVERYONE, so we have no one looking over us. Thus, we can take a few liberties. But the main reason b) is that we do NOTHING in the summer. We are school counselors. In the summer, there is no school. So we have almost no work. All we have to do is finish filing the folders for all the students in the program and input that information into the database. That is IT! And honestly, that work could be done during our Friday office days during the school year, but we tend to save it for the summer, just so we have something to pass the time at work. And in the end, it's not that much work. If I worked on it for 7 hours a day, I'd be done with everything in less than 2 weeks. Heck, I could probably bang it out in one week, since I'm pretty fast.
But my boss got kind of scared b/c we are one program under an umbrella of two programs. The other program is located at FMH. And they were pulling the same stunts that we were. The problem with that is, FMH is where payroll, human resources and a few other high offices are located. So they were idiots to pull the same kind of crap in that area. And they got noticed and were basically told to cut it out. So now my boss is freaking out that we will be caught and reprimanded (which wouldn't happen, b/c we are basically the forgotten program here at Fordham. They honestly don't care much about us one way or another). But try telling him that.
So he started implementing all these new rules, and is being a lot stricter with our time. We basically now HAVE to hold a 9-5 schedule. He'll allow us to come in at 10, but only if we use that as our lunch hour. And granted, this is NORMAL for any other job out there. But not my job.
We were used to things running a certain way, and now we have to get used to a brand new way of working. And you know what? I don't really have a problem with that. It's the way things should be, EXCEPT this was the ONE summer I was really depending on my job's lax attitude towards hours b/c I used up ALL my personal and vacation days in April with everything that happened with my father. So with the aforementioned wedding planning, apartment work, running errands for dad, school work, etc. I was really counting on having those extra hours to do those things without having to take time off. So this change in policy has thrown a huge wrench into the works.
And like I said, I know I'm not in much of a position to complain about office policies considering what we've gotten away with in the past, but it just figures that it all came at this time of the year. I wouldn't even be as upset if this was implemented last summer. Because even though I'd be in the same position, at least I would have come in expecting it. This came about pretty suddenly. And even though my boss gave a small warning that changes were going to come, we all kind of shrugged it off, b/c he says that almost every year and nothing would ever happen, b/c he was just as bad as we were (if not worse). But this time he's sticking to his guns, so I'm just annoyed that it had to happen NOW of all times.
****
And those are the major issues I'm dealing with right now. But of course there are always the little things that occur on top of everything else (which I won't even mention here), so it's just a lot to deal with.
I don't know how I've been doing it. Well, that's not true. I do know, and the reason why is my faith in God. I've been praying a LOT lately. And I made a promise to myself and God at the beginning of the year to read through the entire Bible, b/c it's been a few years since I've really read it outside of church, and I don't want to base my faith on memories of readings from when I was a child or even a teenager. I want to really know and understand everything that goes along with the real Christian faith.
So that has been very rewarding, and has helped me cope with all the situations I have gone through (and are going through) this year. But while I may be coping with things a lot better than other people in similar situations might be, it's still a lot to handle. It's human nature to worry and stress over certain things. Especially with the issues that I'm having now.
In the end, I don't know what the real purpose of this post was… I guess just to vent a little (although I'm not expecting anything from anyone). I more just wanted to put my thoughts down on "paper." and just ask once again that you all keep me and my family in your prayers, because we can really use it.
Also, thank you to everyone who has supported me in this crazy time. Especially those of you who have really stepped up and are doing things for me that are above and beyond what I would/could have asked for. You guys are awesome!
God Bless!
JE
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