My friends are really funny bastards...

I've been meaning to share the following for over a month now. Back at the end of March, when we were planning a bunch of b-day parties, the group started throwing out a whole bunch of Chuck Norris-isms and other colorful crazyiness through e-mail.

Well at one point Joe V tried to April Fool us all into suggesting we go to a strip club after Marisa's b-day party. Of course jokes went around about it and it all culminated in this masterpiece by Alan C. Enjoy.

You know, Chuck Norris did actually own a strip club once. It was called "The Dirty Norris House of Clitoris." At first it was a good, profitable venture and Chuck was able to keep himself well-stocked in beard-trimmers, cowboy hats, and beef jerky ('cause Chuck Norris likes beef jerky). Unfortunately, though, the club hit hard times a few months after opening due to the high turnover rate of the strippers - they just kept winding up pregnant and few people (aside from Gae) like to see a woman straddle a pole during her third trimester. The Department of Health (along with The Department of Homeland Security due to Chuck's involvement) was eventually brought in to investigate the conspicuous 100% pregnancy rate of all the females who even stepped into the club (even just female spectators). It was ultimately discovered that Chuck was just so virile, he impregnated every woman that passed through the front doors by simply looking at them. 247 child support suits were brought against Chuck Norris because of all this- they were all quickly squashed by the legal system, though. Chuck argued that the many women should consider themselves lucky to have the chance to bear his seed and in fact, they should pay him. The judge agreed and, upon reflection, so did the women. Chuck was awarded 2.3 million dollars. Despite this landmark legal victory and handsome payout, though, Chuck eventually did wind up having to close the club down due to the decreased profitablility. Some say Chuck Norris cried that day... but those people were promptly roundhouse kicked to death by Chuck for spreading malicious lies about him.

See you all at the party.

-Alan

And that is why I love my friends.