Fussy Eater (author's name unknown- ask my sis)
This is something a friend of my sister wrote and sent to her (actually it might have even been in his AOL or AIM profile). It's kinda old but I just ran across it recently and was lmao.
I just felt I had to share this b/c it applies to me so well. That and I think you all would enjoy it.
FUSSY EATER:
When I was a kid I was a, Fussy eater. Thats what they called it at our house.
"Hes a fussy eater."
"Fussy eater" is a euphemism for "big pain in the ass." They'd trot out some food and I'd say,"I don’t like that."
"Why?"
"I dont know. I know I don’t like it. And I know if I ate it I would like it even less."
"Well, I like it. Mmmmmm! Yum yum!"
"Hey, Ma. You like it? YOU EAT IT!"
Sometimes they would try to corner me with logic: "Well, how do you know you don’t like it, if you’ve never even tried it?"
"It came to me in a dream." Big pain in the ass.
Some things I didnt like cause the way they sounded.
"Don’t sound right to me, Ma. Say that again?"
"Asparagus."
"No, I don’t like that." Imagine. I got away with that for eight or nine years.
To this day, there are still some things I wont eat becuase of how they sound. Yogurt sounds disgusting. I cant eat anything that has both a "y" and a "g" in it. Squash is also badly named.
"You want some squash?" Sounds like someone sat on dinner.
"How would you like a nice tongue sandwich? Its made from slives of cow's tongue."
"Hey, Ma, are you fuckin tryin to make me sick?"
On the other hand there were some foods I didnt like because of how they looked. That seems a bit more rational.
"I don’t like that! It don’t look right to me. Did you cook that, Ma? Yeah? Is there a picture of it in the cookbook? I’ll bet it dont look like that."
Of course, some people will eat anything, no matter how it looks. I saw guys like that on the chow line in high school.
"Hi, boys! Whaddaya got? I’ll eat anything. What’s that called? Nevermind, gimme a whole bunch of it."
"Its rats asshole, Don."
"Well, it sure makes a hell of a fondue."
Not me. I dont eat anything I dont recognize immediately. If I have to ask questions, I pass. Im not at dinner to make inquiries. Gimme something I recognize. Like a carrot. I know I can trust a carrot. Now there are some foods that even though I know what they are, I still dont like their looks. Tomatoes, for instance. My main problem with tomatoes is that they dont look as though they are fully developed. They look like theyre still in the larval stage; thousands of little tiny seeds and a whole lot of jelly lookin slime. "Get if off my plate!" Its like that stuff at the end of an egg.
Of course I know its not the end of an egg....its the beginning of a chicken!! "ITS HEN CUM!!! EEEAAAAAAAGGGGHHH! GET IT OFF MY PLATE!"
I just felt I had to share this b/c it applies to me so well. That and I think you all would enjoy it.
FUSSY EATER:
When I was a kid I was a, Fussy eater. Thats what they called it at our house.
"Hes a fussy eater."
"Fussy eater" is a euphemism for "big pain in the ass." They'd trot out some food and I'd say,"I don’t like that."
"Why?"
"I dont know. I know I don’t like it. And I know if I ate it I would like it even less."
"Well, I like it. Mmmmmm! Yum yum!"
"Hey, Ma. You like it? YOU EAT IT!"
Sometimes they would try to corner me with logic: "Well, how do you know you don’t like it, if you’ve never even tried it?"
"It came to me in a dream." Big pain in the ass.
Some things I didnt like cause the way they sounded.
"Don’t sound right to me, Ma. Say that again?"
"Asparagus."
"No, I don’t like that." Imagine. I got away with that for eight or nine years.
To this day, there are still some things I wont eat becuase of how they sound. Yogurt sounds disgusting. I cant eat anything that has both a "y" and a "g" in it. Squash is also badly named.
"You want some squash?" Sounds like someone sat on dinner.
"How would you like a nice tongue sandwich? Its made from slives of cow's tongue."
"Hey, Ma, are you fuckin tryin to make me sick?"
On the other hand there were some foods I didnt like because of how they looked. That seems a bit more rational.
"I don’t like that! It don’t look right to me. Did you cook that, Ma? Yeah? Is there a picture of it in the cookbook? I’ll bet it dont look like that."
Of course, some people will eat anything, no matter how it looks. I saw guys like that on the chow line in high school.
"Hi, boys! Whaddaya got? I’ll eat anything. What’s that called? Nevermind, gimme a whole bunch of it."
"Its rats asshole, Don."
"Well, it sure makes a hell of a fondue."
Not me. I dont eat anything I dont recognize immediately. If I have to ask questions, I pass. Im not at dinner to make inquiries. Gimme something I recognize. Like a carrot. I know I can trust a carrot. Now there are some foods that even though I know what they are, I still dont like their looks. Tomatoes, for instance. My main problem with tomatoes is that they dont look as though they are fully developed. They look like theyre still in the larval stage; thousands of little tiny seeds and a whole lot of jelly lookin slime. "Get if off my plate!" Its like that stuff at the end of an egg.
Of course I know its not the end of an egg....its the beginning of a chicken!! "ITS HEN CUM!!! EEEAAAAAAAGGGGHHH! GET IT OFF MY PLATE!"
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